....Mum's Gone To La La Land....

Maggie Soup's Gone To La La Land! <(",)>

After years of failing miserably to complete the never-ending list of household strife, I was amazed to discover that there is an alternative to cooking, cleaning, ironing and other general Cinderella bollox, and I am not talking about 28 days in a padded cell. (Although that is not the worst scenario compared to slave labour!)

I am talking about wine, chocolate and slobbery! Toss away the weighing scale, put on your undesirable flannel PJs and celebrate emancipation from the old routine with a bottle of Lamrini and a King Size Aero!

The best mothers have dirty dishes and happy kids!

I believe that our understanding of a fairytale's moral warps with wisdom. I used to believe that happily-ever-afters involved white horses and palaces. My visualizations were illustrated by Walt Disney and I was influenced to imagine adulthood to be garnished in pixie dust.

Despite my hardest efforts, I have yet to find the Yellow Brick Road, although I do wonder if that was actually a euphemism for the M4.

The reality of my flying carpet is my R Reg Fiesta with a rusted exhaust, and no matter how fast it rattles, it absolutely refuses to leave the ground. It does not resemble a pumpkin in any way, shape or form and is certainly not a lovable bug!

I thought about robbing from the rich, once, but with private bank accounts being far more popular than treasure caves, I would just look silly swinging on a rope through Buckingham Palace in green tights.

When I was a child, nobody told me that breaking into chorus in public places does not necessarily mean that everybody will join in, in perfect harmony. The closest I have come to this is 20,000 fans chanting 'You Fat Bastard' at a football match!

I was very unaware of the consequences of knocking back the contents of mysterious shot glasses labelled 'Drink Me'. However, the possibilities of Wonderland do have an impact on my weekends!

Living in Wales would suggest that our local wildlife consists mainly of dragons. Perhaps evolution doomed these creatures into extinction, but the likelihood of finding anything that breathes fire in these forests is still to be desired.

The expense of Christmas suggests that Santa only exists for naughty children…

A spoonful of sugar has little positive effect on Ritalin…

Goofy was actually a cow crossbred with a human and whichever way you try to justify that, the conclusion always leads to an unbearably horrific birth!

Shrinking your kids is not seen as good parenting!

Perhaps magic mirrors would be a great invention as a source of knowledge if Google were not such a convenience.

Bears do not appreciate tickles!

If animals could speak, would they really have American accents?

It is no wonder that hallucinogenics are classed as illegal substances in America, today. Walt Disney set such high standards for women to be a size 6, McDonalds was steering into liquidation!

…One last thought… An elephant with small ears would look rather odd, don't you think…?!
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Sanity is an unnecessary characteristic measured purely by expectation. Barely flexible enough to fit into a chair, I was not cut out to fit into a box, and I never did like the texture of cardboard! Normal is an obscene assumption!
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After years of failing miserably to complete the never-ending list of household strife, I was amazed to discover that there is an alternative to cooking, cleaning, ironing and other general Cinderella bollox, and I am not talking about 28 days in a padded cell. (Although that is not the worst scenario compared to slave labour!)

I am talking about wine, chocolate and slobbery! Toss away the weighing scale, put on your undesirable flannel PJs and celebrate emancipation from the old routine with a bottle of Lamrini and a King Size Aero!

....Mum's Gone To La La Land....

Pages

Maggie Soup's Stark Raving Breakdown!

Welcome

Monday, 6 February 2012

Good Mourning

The rules

Dad

I'm pressing enter, but I'm still here, Morris.

Rehab's for quitters!

Ka-BOOM!

Over 50s

Priorities.

Words of wisdom

Three Little words

Back in the day...

A Fair Warning...

Mikey wouldn't listen to Mum when she said BEHAVE!

Grandma ALWAYS says YES!

Saturday, 4 February 2012

...AndI want it NOW!

Toddler Rules

That's why!

F*** it!

Becoming Grandma Maggie

Oh crap!